Worst time of the year(other than exam periods)

Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day. Most people say this is the best time of the year cause you get angpau from your married relatives and loads of sweets, cookies, chocolates and love letters from your friends and admirers. Well, for my case, yes we do get angpau but the travel of four hours back to my mother's hometown in Batu Pahat can be a killer.

Back when I was younger, my mother's BMW was like a mini human oven. On hot days and long journeys,especially when the air conditioning was not as cold as it use to be, my siblings and I used to hang our blankets up to block out the hot sun. Only thing I liked about going back there was seeing my cousins and spending time with them. Even the time was limited though due to the fact my cousins that come from Singapore have such short New Year holidays. The scenery and holiday mood was also enjoyable.

On the flip side, spending almost close to a week with just my family and my grandma in the house was a bit torturous. Being from a generation where WiFi has become a necessity, you could say we were deprived from it while we were there. Only time WiFi was available was at an aunt's place or at my mother's friend's place. The party she had there every year was pleasurable cause there were actually people my age at the party.

Normally in my grandma's house, I am stuck in the middle of the age groups. I have many cousins who are older than me by 4 years minimum. Then I have my closest cousin who is a year younger than I. Then cousins which are younger by 3 years or more. I end up only having that one cousin who actually talks to me but as I said before, he is Singaporean.

Last but not least for Chinese New Year, as a child that was born in early February, my birthday was normally really close with Chinese New Year and I have not got to celebrate it with friends for a long time. Their families busy due to Chinese New Year preparations. My family going back to my hometown really early or coming back really late. Those things tend to happen and even if it was my birthday on the second day of new year's, nobody really noticed or knew. In my opinion, Chinese New Year has its goods but the reasons above are why I dislike it.

Next for Valentine's Day, also known as Friendship Day in school (cause schools do not encourage relationships so Valentine's day is a no-no), most people end up buying chocolates and all for their friends. When you get to my age, sometimes spending money on such frivolous things can be such as waste of money. No offence to those people who yearn for February 14 every year but I just dislike this spending of money to give your friends chocolates, brownies and sweets that people sell.

It also makes me feel like a Scrooge or that I am poor. Some friends just do not understand that I am not in a position to spend money of thing that I do not really need. These materialistic offerings to a friend does not mean you treasure them fully. It just means you have some extra money you want to spend on them. Being a true friend is having their backs and helping them when they need it.

People in the world should be happy with what they are given not just on Valentine's Day. Just because it is the 14th of February, people think those gifts are worth gold. No! We should be thankful for all gifts. A hug when your sad, a piece of cake they share with you on any simple day, the teaching they give you when you just cannot seem to solve that math question. Treasure all those, not only the gifts on February the 14th.

I'm not an avid blogger because sometimes I feel sharing my thoughts may not make the world a better place. I tend to say things I feel very bluntly. If you know me in real life, I probably have hurt a lot of people with my dagger like words. After all nothing runs on the truth. If an industry told the truth all year long, a war would break out when men and women with army gear waiting to stab one another.

Anyways, with that I end my blog for today. Hopefully you got to read all the way till the end. If you have, thank you for your time. See you in the next blog post.

Screams

They screamed at each other. When they saw each other, war would break out. You could feel the walls reverberating as they raised their voices. The worst was when they were at each other's throats, trying to suffocate each other. The little one was asleep, too young to remember that it happened. I just looked at them battling it out at the stairwell. Sister was scared, tears ran down her face. She tried to ring them out of the horrible trance that clouded their thoughts with the urge to kill each other. I looked, stared and just absorbed. I never thought it would turn out to be one of the worst nightmares I have experienced with my own eyes.

The sight comes flooding back and shrouds my mind like fog. This fog that makes me feel lost and useless. It stabs me like a thousand needles, which hurts more than a single blade. It was triggered by the scene of the little one and her shouting and quarreling. How ironic it is that, once many years ago, the father of the little one was in that position. This leaves me sickened and unsure of how I am supposed to feel.

We, the little one and I, sit there like morons and minions. We do not know what to do or just do not wish to do. We follow her orders and clean like we should. We sit around the table and eat as we accept the "advice" and "lessons" we are given by her. We bare the barrage of words as brave as soldiers do. I listen and absorb while the little one fights back. I seem like the one that is useless but what use does bad words bring back.

She is not the villain but who is to say she isn't? She raised us three - sister, little one and I alone from the horrid one, him. She asked nothing more from us than good grades and a clean room. Who are we to say that she is the bad parent? She just wants us to learn and make us more capable. At least, she is better than the scum that left thirteen years ago. To visit six months once, give us nothing more than some money and a nice dinner. Who are we to say that life should always be pleasant?

Long ranting from me but sometimes what is the use? Where many listen but no one does anything for you. I scream from my heart and hope that someone hears. I'm not okay, I wish people were there, at least to lead the way. Hope you hear what I have to say and maybe take another look. What seems to be on outside could be all just an impressive overcoat.

Inside and out school

It has been a long time since I've gone back to blogging. So here goes everything until my trials start and SPM starts.


 Here is my 2014 in 100 words.


I sat in front of class (still do in fact). I scored in my exams and I took part in any activities- choir, house cheer, wushu and the librarian board. My choir and I represented Malaysia and took part in the 1^st Singapore International Choir Festival. We claimed a silver award. For house cheer, the bronze was ours. My friends and I planned the annual librarian leadership camp and library week in my school last year. I ended the year by working for two months plus at the clothes store, Mirrorcle and went for the bi-annual choir dinner. It was a great year.

That is all for now. We shall meet again in my next post.


Cheers,

Clarissa.